Recently, this expression was shared with me. “Comparison is a thief of joy.” So- I pondered this expression in one of the places that I solve world problems- the shower. No belting out Celine or whatever else song popped into my head. The fabulous acoustics would have to lay idle while my mind shifted gear like a manual would when increasing in speed.
I pondered my entire life existence and times when I felt less than. I remember feeling it for the first time when kids at school wore Nike Shox, and I was wearing Adidas. I loved my Adidas. They were white and purple. But at the time, Shox were the shoe to have. A couple of years later, my school shoes were a pair of white leather and silver accented Nike Impacts. (Early 2000s design) I felt like I owned the world in those shoes. Though, come high school, I bought the most expensive pair of shoes that I had owned to date at the time- a pair of Nike Air Max’s from Journey. I spent way too much money on those shoes. But damn- they were cool.
I remember the times in middle school and high school where I felt like the odd one out. I’d assume a lot of people feel this way in their own unique ways. For me, I felt frustrated a lot of the times that people just didn’t take certain things serious. That they didn’t see the logic behind a calculated plan. That one night of partying/drinking in a random field could result in a Minor in Consumption or Minor in Possession. For me, I wasn’t risking my record getting tarnished. It wasn’t worth it.
That left me riding what I considered “the higher moral road.” I was hard on myself. Perhaps it was seeing what could go wrong so early in my life during childhood. My brain saw any sort of risk as bad. I had my bubble. It was clean and tidy, and the occasional bomb would go off and I’d deal with it like a matured adult would. Cry it out. Say f*** a lot and do better. And keep doing better. To the point that my own comparison was not comparing myself to another human being- it was that I was stealing my own joy by comparing myself to someone who had not yet mastered who they were. A ghost really.
Profound right? It was I who removed the possibility of joy from my life. Because I let fear and uncertainty make the choices in my life.
Then I grew up and I’m perfect now. HA. Got you. I still work on easing up on myself and I make it a point to ensure that I’m having fun. Or fun is somewhere in my plans. Fun for me is defined in a variety of ways. I find writing fun. I also find down-hilling on my mountain bike in full gear fun. I find searching for rocks in nature fun. I recently bought a new wildflower field guide to identify flowers. Anything can be fun if you make it. Anything can bring joy to your life if you allow it.
There are a countless of other scenarios that I can explain the logic behind and why you should be a certain way, and act a certain way. But nope, not everyone’s problems are my problems. Protect your sanity. Stop comparing yourself and gosh darn it- let yourself be happy.
Danae Decker 