Personal growth is flat-out a witch sometimes. We have put so much work into ourselves to make ourselves better in the ways we chose. However, we sometimes still get hit with the issues that we barely scrubbed by on getting over.
So, we sit there and think, why does this keep coming up? We keep asking ourselves,
“Why can I not just accept the reasons I told myself countless times before?”
We did not lie to ourselves or maybe we did – to just get by. But no – we logically go through the steps of the issue we laid to rest. We review how we handled it and we decide that there were things we could have acted differently on. There were obvious red flags in a situation or thing that we should have seen.
Why did we succumb to it over and over again? Here is the answer I have come up for myself.
Magic.
We were put under a spell in a sense of what we wanted to see or feel. We believed. We were full of hope. But in truth, it was a rotting apple.
If you can’t accept you were put under a spell, well in more logical terms- habit.
We slip into situations where something is familiar or feels like we are getting the same sort of energy off of something from our past we had to either give up or lose.
But let’s be real here, why the actual f*** would we do that to ourselves? I truly do not know folks. I have asked myself over and over when it comes to my personal life.
I wouldn’t consider myself a naïve person by any means, so why was it so easy to slip and fall and not realize that it was just a shinier version of a past experience?
At least this was the answer I found on the Internet. Naïve.
I also found something interesting as well. I empathize in a unique way. If someone opens up to me, I find ways to help in a non-confrontational way. I typically meet them in the middle and I share stories. I share my experiences on how I have overcome certain obstacles. In other ways, I humanize the situation but also look at it in a problem-solution way. I will break it down below of the process I use.
Steps of Empathizing
- Active Listen
- Offer a short story or two that can be related to the topic
- Listen to feedback
- Point out the problem and listen to their objections
- Offer solutions
- Close it with flat out honesty. Point out why something is so messed up and reiterate that (if they are) worth more than the situation.
But keep in mind, I share this because it is easy to be taken advantage of if you continuously empathize with people who aren’t worth your time.
As you ponder the “why’s” of experiences that keep surfacing. Reflect.
I notice that as they come up each time, my urges become less and less. I go through a mental script, listen to particular songs, and talk myself through it. I self-soothe.
You see, as we move on… move to new places, get a new job, find new love- I think our mind thinks we do not deserve it. But dear- we all deserve to find new happiness. Put that past in the rearview mirror because things always move on.
One day, we look around and see new friends in our life, an improved way of life, a healthier version of yourself, we see the growth. And if you can’t see tons of growth suddenly, wait for it. Work for it.
For life doesn’t just hand things out. If you make the conscious effort to make your life better, getting by, will get put in a box, and shoved to the back of the closet. Life will be too much fun and full of new memories to make. Ones that will replace those of hardship, and hurt.
I believe we forgive but never forget. It is important to let go so you can spread your wings in the present and absorb the light that has been waiting for you.
Push forward, keep getting by because one day- you will shine.
And here is my number six for you, (reread the list above,) If you aren’t doing anything to try and better yourself, well then, you are not going to move anyway- and you are choosing to be complacent and stay stuck in the mud.
So damn it, try.
Danae Decker 