Life. Am I Right?

Some of my best writing happens past 8pm. Some of my most terrible writing can happen then too.

I hope this one is a good one as it is well past 8pm right now while writing it.

I have been pondering my mind on how I would write this specific blog as I want to ensure I am ‘coming across’ in the best way. The best way is how I operate in real conversations in life- blunt, and very much to the point.

I am not going to lie here, 2022 has thrown some pretty f****** wicked curveballs my way.

In January, I got COVID- along with my boyfriend. Cool, I thought. We will both heal up and be back at our action-packed selves.

False. Life laughed.

I have struggled getting back to where I was at pre-COVID. Mostly, it has been out of fear of being able to breathe while exercising again. I have it for the long-haul and have no idea when my body will have a good week of not feeling asthmatic, or I am not pre-gaming my inhaler.

Not sure if you have heard of slipping rib syndrome… Throw that into the mix too. I shudder a bit inside when I sneeze and cough because I don’t want that pain to come back in my side at full force.  

I have resigned myself to the fact that I just have to deal. I don’t like to talk about my health on the regular as it seems to be never-ending at the moment.  

Don’t get me wrong, I have been able to crush a mountain bike ride and some hikes. I have started to slowly trickle back into the gym, but damn… cardio sucks when you get winded.

A few other curveballs have been thrown my way because of events happening in those close to me- lives’.

My point of this blog is to not b**** how I did not get my way for certain things. I share the stories because it has been really uncomfortable calling myself out and openly admitting to those I love when I have been in the wrong.

Sure, 2022 has not panned out to how I thought it would begin. I have done a lot of growing as a person (still am growing) and it has made me reflect on my behavior in certain situations.

You see… I am a very impatient person. Blessing and a curse. I am a solution-oriented, let’s get it done, kind of person.

Going through the difficulties and the uncertainties of the last few months have really put me back in check.

Have you ever just wanted something so bad, have seen it only with a tunnel-vision perspective, then gotten really annoyed something did not pan out how you wanted it to go?

Something still happened, but it was not how you planned it to go.

Frustrations build. Anxiety builds. Then- explosions. Explosions that are self-created and expressed in the least helpful ways.

I have been guilty of this before. I really appreciate that my bf is a patient man with me, as I navigate on my journey called life.

Folks, good communication is sexy.

Anyway, life has just laughed and laughed. So many redirects, so many buffering symbols just popping up.  

Recently, I sat back and watched our dogs play together.

I have a standard labradoodle named, Miley. We will call his dog, “E.”

They were playing and even though at times Miley gets annoyed by E and their constant need for play, there was a day when Miley became an only dog for the first time in five years. I dreamed for Miley to be able to connect with another dog and play with another dog as she was doing in front of my eyes.

When I started the whole dating process, an important goal was for Miley to be loved by the person I was with. Also, if they had pets, they got along as well.

So, as I sat there (admittedly ref’ing them when they got too crazy) it made me remember the times that I watched Miley sitting at the door, at the gate, ready to leave as she was not vibing with someone’s pets or them.

Don’t get me wrong, Miley has a flair for dramatics, but in that moment- it has showed me that Miley is bonding with E in a way I have not seen in a while from her.

She has also bonded to my bf. It makes me smile when she sits exactly eye level with his guitar and I refer her as his groupie. Miley is fascinated by guitar playing now and smiles and wags her tail. It is the cutest thing.

Anyway, the simplicity of seeing your dog happy means that you are doing something right, I hope. She reminded me while playing, that where I am at in life, is something I dreamed of once when I did not have it.

I dreamed of a relationship that I have now, and still am growing. I dreamed of having a good job that I am able to not worry about money. I dreamed of having friends who I can be myself around.

You see, 2022 may not have panned out in the ways I would have hoped for. But, perspective has shown me that I have grown in so many ways from it.

We all make choices. I have made every single choice (minus things out of my control) that has put me where I am today.

Think of that mindset for a bit. Where you are at right now, what choices led you to where you are at?

Another reflection, just because things are more difficult or not planned as you would have hoped for, that is life.

Yep. “It is what it is,” folks.

I feel like I have been chasing my tail on certain emotions and feelings. Chasing so much I just want to tell myself to shut-up.

But, remember, you have to validate your feelings and understand why you are feeling them. You do have to be your own advocate.

A way that I have validated or released toxic thoughts… I have written so many thoughts down either electronically or on paper.

They get deleted the next day. Not read again. Just deleted.

I validated them and sent them on their way, away from my mind and heart.

I am enjoying the life I have very much. I have just had to remind myself because believe it or not, I can’t have everything my way.

So, Life. Am I right?