Change Your Narrative

I think it is easy to get caught up in a continuous loop of sadness, anger, and stewing on the past.

From early on in my childhood, there were aspects that would throw even the most mature adult into a frenzy. There were times of happiness in my childhood, but also times where I had to deal with things that a child should not have had to deal with.

I was put into positions that required my child self to make decisions about what would make my life less chaotic. 

That is a narrative that I held onto for quite a bit of my life because I was so early into my life that that’s all I knew. 

But then seasons change, and you simply get tired of repeating the same sad stories. The narrative being that I was a child of divorce, a child of a parent with addiction issues. A child that had to deal with toxic family issues. I’m tired of that narrative now as an adult, and so I wipe my hands clean. 

I recognize that it is a part of my past. However, even if it helped shape me into the person I am today and also contributed to the set of morals that I hold – it’s not me anymore. That version of myself conquered her troubles and faced them head on, and left the woman that came after with a whole lot of resilience.

Phase 2 of my life, was getting married at the age of 20. Sure, there was the idea that high school Danae had told myself that I would be career-driven and not marry until at least the age of 26. Yet there I stood, with someone I thought that I was going to be with. I laugh at how ironic life is as I am now more on the path I hoped I would live than I was in my early twenties.

Then I found myself at the age of 24, going through a divorce and selling a house that I bought during the marriage. At that time I had no idea what I was going to do. I was having panic attacks at least once a week. Bad ones, while in that situation. But I’m tired of the ‘poor me card,’ in that situation- so I changed my narrative. 

So what does a 24-year-old divorcee do with her life? She moves on. She finds a new set of friends that don’t know how much they mean to her at the time. A group of friends that she would never have dreamed of having in her previous life. A once completely introverted woman now finds herself a part of a massive friend‘s group who is made up with multiple personalities. But that’s what made it fun. She goes skydiving, and she feels like that began her new life and taste of adventure. 

She goes through a lot of trials and tribulations. Don’t even get me started on the dating scene where she had little to zero experience before getting married. As time progressed through the men she dated she continued to learn and grow. She did become frustrated at times and wondered if this attempt at trying to find somebody compatible was futile.

But then she met a man who she got to know. A man to this day she is incredibly grateful for. A man that lets her unfold her emotions, and be the best version of herself. 

Past relationship (all types: romantic, family, friendly) triggers are a real b****. Building trust and learning to trust people again after a betrayal is a real b****. 

She recognizes that she needs to change her narrative. In order to move forward and be happy, she needs to let go of a lot of sh** that has weighed her down and attempts to trip her up. Yes, trauma has given her a whole lot of resilience and perspective. However, she doesn’t owe her trauma a damn thing.

Changing your narrative is not easy as I have found out. If there is one thing that I have learned over the years I have lived, it is one thing that hit me like a ton of bricks last week. I got triggered because of something that happened from my past. 

So why let my past narratives drag me down? Why let the trauma, sadness, and anger try and take away happiness that I have not felt before? I still have many years to live (fingers crossed) and I’m going to be happy. I’m going to forgive myself. Forgive others and wave them out of my memory. 

So I challenge you to do the same. Reflect on your traumas, sadness, things that make you angry and tell them to f*** off. 

Recognize that they happened but focus on the present and future and what makes you happy. You are in control of your surroundings and how they make you feel. Don’t let others from your past write your story. 

I once saw a quote in an app that I have on my phone that read “when writing the story of your life, do not let anyone else hold the pen.” I actually have that on my wall framed. 

I giggle to this day because at one point in my life, quotes were not welcomed on my walls. But, as another sign on my wall says- “I do a thing called what I want.”  And with that, do whatever you want. Live your narrative however you want. Because frankly, it’s your life. *hands you a pen “Now write it.”