To be a modern woman is something of a mystery to myself. What is a modern woman? Women are treated differently in various parts of the world. There is not a set definition to what it means to be one.
As I have navigated myself through the years that I have either limped through or have conquered, I find myself wondering who the heck I am going to be. Am I a woman of ‘the times?’ What are my choices? I need options.
I am a twenty-seven-year-old woman who originates from southeast Kansas. I grew up in small towns that never exceeded ten thousand in population. Some say it is a blessing, while others have remarked what a curse it would have been. I shrug my shoulders, and let out an internal response of, “meh.”
I was a part of the Midwestern stereotype of marrying young. At barely twenty years old at that. I thought I was in complete love. Maybe I was, perhaps I was not? It ended though, at the ripe, still very young age of twenty-four.
I grew up watching people marry young, and shortly after, start a family. I only knew life from what I witnessed around me.
I always had an inkling of feeling like I never fit in. However, I am sure others have felt this same way. I am not special in that regard.
I never challenged the norm of society in rebellious ways. I was the ‘good kid’ who always made sure I stayed in line.
I’d say my first ‘act of rebellion,’ was moving to Colorado. At that point in time, I was a woman who claimed she was a badass, but she was too scared to try anything. She let fear put her in a bubble. She focused on everyone around her, except herself.
After my marriage ended, I moved into a small apartment with my dog Miley. It was murky waters of the unknown. Fortunately, soon after, I found a friend group. A group comprised of many different personalities. Personalities that I am so grateful to have met.
A few weeks later after meeting new friends, I went skydiving with them. For someone who was scared of being uncomfortable, I did a really good job at shoving myself out of my bubble. When falling out of the plane, I made the decision to open my eyes, instead of blackout. I remember asking myself, “should we black out right now?”
My eyes were opened to the beautiful landscape around me. That experience helped me feel hopeful when I had felt my own life was in the midst of free-falling- not knowing where I would land.
I craved new experiences after that. I bought a mountain bike and named her Roz. I took a solo trip to Moab. I wrote and later self-published my own book, “Life in Katie’s Shoes.” I researched backpacking and became that fearless woman who marched herself into the forest by herself. Don’t get me wrong, I was scared as heck. These are only a few experiences of the woman I did not get to meet until my mid-twenties.
As I continued to grow and find myself on my journey, I surprised myself in various ways. I did not realize I was so suppressed until I started making myself try new things. I literally remember reflecting and asking myself why I was so boring.
I began researching a lot, and I kept researching. I kept trying to understand what it meant to be a single woman in charge of her own life. I do not fan-girl much, but I do over Sara Blakely. At times of questioning my own way of doing things, I looked to her life outline. Well, what I could find via an Internet search.
I have never met her, but reading about her life made me realize that there is no deadline for success. A well-rounded woman can have both a career and children. Many women whom I have read about, had children in their thirties, even forties. Some, have not had them at all. Gradually, I have let that pressure go. I am not just a baby-maker. I can decide if I want them now, or if I want to wait. Or, if I want them at all.
It made me realize that I have options as a modern woman. I get to dictate what I want my life to be. Though, as I have grown up, I have realized that there will always be a crowd that stands in front of you that tries to control your actions, and your body. To them, I give an ever-so-polite, middle finger.
The most interesting insight I gathered on myself, was jumping back into the dating scene. Boy, was that eye-opening. As a woman who had not dated much at that time, I realized that I had options. Starting out, I was timid. I was assertive in some ways, but did not want to hurt the man in the instances where I was not interested in pursuing them further. As women, we say sorry way too many times while trying to not blow up someone’s life.
It got to a point in that experience where I started viewing it as a number’s game. I took a play out of my sales playbook. In sales, you have to cold-call multiple times, before you strike gold. It took me a bit to realize that I did indeed work on myself quite a bit to only find myself settling for a basic relationship. As a modern woman, I took charge of my life, and who I wanted to share it with. Ultimately, finding success.
As I have grown, so has my perspective. My path of seeking what a modern woman is, has led me to my answer.
A modern woman is one that cares about herself. Does put herself first because burnout is real. Knows that the only person that can hold her back from trying her dreams, is herself. A modern woman is not dictated by how others think she ought to live her life. She gets to choose what it looks like.
I do recognize that there are women around the world who are suppressed in ways I cannot comprehend. In ways that I have never had to experience. They have hurt or have been harmed and some cannot follow their dreams or passions. For these women, I send my love.
Women are beautiful beings. We have gone through so much over time as history has shown us. We continue to fight back. We continue to grow and push past limitations. We start and stay determined at chipping away at boulders that are blocking our path.
As I am on my own path of determining what my vision of who I am to be is, I leave you with advice. Never accept a version of yourself that you are not happy with. That is the true meaning of becoming a modern woman.
Danae Decker 