Where I Leave You

I remember that not long ago, you were younger than you are now. You used to feel different than the rest.  

You found fascination in the smallest details, and honestly still do.  

You were told that you were a talker. You’d never shut up in class. You figured that what you had to say, could not wait until the end of class.

Everything was important. Nothing could delay. If it did not get done then and there, there would be your hell to pay. You were impatient, and not the cute kind. You would slam doors, and your personal fav, stomp until you were heard.

You left her behind.

When you turned twelve, that is when things changed. You realized that sometimes, things were not always good. You began to be more observant. You began to question more. You understood and processed information; sometimes opening your mouth too soon still.

You stood up for what was right, at least sometimes you tried. You did not feel capable occasionally, even though you knew what was clearly right.

You began thinking that this is the way life was meant to be. Sometimes crying, screaming, or demanding peace. There was no path ahead of you. The bricks were in a pile for you to lay. Sometimes they were shoved into place, a little crooked, some would sometimes say.

You never stopped. Surely there would be light at the end of the tunnel. But where was it?

You left her behind.

You moved onto the chapter where gasoline was thrown onto the fire. Your life was already lit enough, and not the trendy kind.

You grew more and more frustrated at what was to come. You did not know what direction to take- when you were about to partake your exit out of the nest.  

You grew stronger, but at times you still felt weak. You thought that life was always going to keep you in a cycle of regret and sometimes, defeat.

When you received the call, life stopped at 10:30. Two days before, you sat there at the stop sign- turning left-ready.

You took a right, and life soon changed after. It was not your fault; life just had a really wicked sense of dark humor.

You left her behind.

You had your life arranged, perfectly in order. You had the house, the spouse, and the dogs to love and always consider.

You left her behind.

You picked up the pieces once again. It was not hard this time, because you had learned that life sometimes did not feel like a friend.

The beauty in growing and improving as a person showed itself, and you took the reins. You distracted yourself, to numb any sort of pain.

But numbing wears off just like Novocain does. You dealt with it head on, and found yourself. Perhaps you were a version, that had buried herself, and she was screaming for help.

You left her behind.

You now look at yourself for who you truly are. You’ve found out that you never left yourself behind. You adapted to fit the times. You carried your wins and your losses like a champ. But now, you realize you are who you are meant to be in this time. You have learned, that each person who you have been, has led you to your decisions now, and then.